Face your depression and anxiety. You don't have to be good all the time - and make sure you have one orgasm a week! As she launches brilliant new podcast, BRYONY GORDON shares... The 32 most important lessons I've learnt from life so far
There are some things you can only learn from having a breakdown – or should that be a breakthrough?This is the only way I am able to explain why my various inboxes are almost constantly filled with messages from friends, acquaintances and strangers asking for help and advice.I suppose it's safe to open up to someone who has not just survived rehab and mental illness, but thrived because of them. There is, I think, great comfort in seeing someone shrug off the shame of hitting rock bottom (as I have a number of times), and use it as the foundation for a happy, healthy life.
My new podcast, The Life of Bryony (see what we did there?) launches today, and it aims to answer all the questions I am most often asked.Each week, with a different guest, I will shed light on the dark places we all go to from time to time, the ones we are often too ashamed to talk about. To kick off, I wanted to share the most important lessons I have learnt from life so far – and by asking you to send in your own queries, to lifeofbryony@mailonline.co.uk Bryony Gordon's brilliant new podcast launches today1. Depression and anxiety are often the solution, not the problemI know that sounds counterintuitive, but in all my decades of battling mental health issues, this has perhaps been my greatest realisation.It came to me during the pandemic when I realised I was clinically depressed once again, but that it was entirely appropriate, given that the world was shut down and all connection with other humans cut off.It led me to explore the possibility that mental illness is actually a healthy brain response to a person not living their life as they should.When you lean in to your depression and anxiety – painful as this is – and question it, rather than resisting it and trying to make it disappear, you might just be surprised by the results. I know I have been.2. If you censor what you say, the relationship isn't healthyIt's normal to occasionally edit yourself to avoid being insensitive, but if you constantly feel like you're treading on eggshells so as not to provoke your partner, then you might want to consider whether you're with the wrong person. And if you feel you have to dim yourself around someone, they are not your person. Your people are the ones who feel illuminated by your light, not blinded by it.3. True love is always unconditional and is not dependent on what you look like The key to contentment is accepting every part of yourself, even the bad bits, Bryony writes4. But... do look after your skinRemember to always wear SPF, even in deepest, darkest winter.(I like Ultra Violette's Supreme Screen SPF 50+ and Beauty Pie's Featherlight SPF 50).5. You don't have to be good all the timeThe key to contentment is accepting every part of yourself, even the bad bits. All humans are a bit of everything – sometimes good, sometimes bad, often mediocre – and you are no different.Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect. Nobody is.6. Confidence is just a trickNobody is naturally confident – they're just damned if they're going to waste a moment more of their life listening to the miserable internal chatter in their brains!7. You are a gift to the worldRead More BRYONY GORDON: What my friends Harry and Meghan are REALLY like It's true. The day you were conceived, a single sperm beat millions of others to fertilise an egg that's only there for a couple of calendar days each month.That egg was surrounded by white blood cells acting like nightclub bouncers, so that not just any old sperm could get in. Not every zygote goes the distance, and the day you are born is considered by doctors to be the most dangerous day of your life.And then you have stayed alive each day since. The Universe really, really wants you here. And it doesn't' want you to look like Kim Kardashian – it wants you to look like you. So wear the swimsuit. Do the thing. Remember, you are an absolute gift to the world.8. If you don't deal with your issues now, your children will in futureI'm sorry to say, this is true. All the insecurities and traumas we don't face up to are handed down to our children. This is just how life works, and is probably the reason you are deeply resentful of your parents.Thank God for therapy!9. Your parents tried their best, even if their best messed you upThis is a key lesson to apply to most people who have got under your skin: we're all just doing the best we can at any given time, with whatever limited resources happen to be at our disposal!10. It's never about youIt just isn't. Even when it is. Because when you judge someone harshly, you're usually just seeing something in them that you really don't want to accept in yourself.11. When you feel a little nervous...Remember – whether its about giving a speech, going for a swim, meeting up with people – everybody is too busy thinking about themselves to spend much time thinking about you.12. Being an alcoholic is not the worst thing, if you are able to get helpAnd once you're a sober alcoholic, you might even feel grateful for what it has taught you about life! Being an alcoholic is not the worst thing, if you are able to get helpIncidentally: Alcoholics Anonymous is not a religious cult. It works for people who do believe in God, and people who don't. The only people it doesn't work for are those who think they are God.13. Consider that you might be wrongEven if you only do it very, very occasionally. Having an open mind, and a willingness to be proved wrong, while realising that this isn't a failure, is one of the healthiest ways to be.14. An Epsom salts bath is always a good ideaIF you get restless legs at night, as I do, the best thing to do is slather your feet in magnesium butter (my favourite is made in Somerset by a firm called Sweet Bee Organics).15. Brain fog is really frighteningAnd you should never dismiss yourself 'just' because it's the symptom of female hormonal changes. In fact, that's another bit of advice: stop ignoring anything bad that is related to female health and treating it like it doesn't matter. You're just gaslighting yourself and doing the patriarchy's work for it.16. Don't be scared of the menopauseIt is a liberation, an opportunity to deal with all the things you didn't feel strong enough to deal with in your 20s and 30s. Menopause is an opportunity to deal with all the things you didn't feel strong enough to deal with in your 20s and 30s, Bryony writesI firmly believe that any anxieties it brings up are your brain's way of getting you to face the thing you need to face to truly set yourself free. I wish someone had told me this when I first started going through peri-menopause a few years ago – it would have made it feel a lot less scary.17. Don't like Taylor Swift? No need to tell everyoneYou can apply this rule to any person in the public eye you have taken against. Because if you focus more on the things you do like, rather than the things you don't, you will be happier. It's just simple brain chemistry.18. You are not your thoughtsYou are just the person who hears them.19. Your job isn't to keep your children happy at all costs... teach them to survive being sadTherein lies the trick to resilience!20. Exercise for how it makes you feel, not the way it makes you lookThe moment I re-framed exercise as something to make my life bigger, rather than a way to make my waist smaller, was the moment I started to actively enjoy it. The moment I re-framed exercise as something to make my life bigger, rather than a way to make my waist smaller, was the moment I started to actively enjoy itSimilarly, we are conditioned to think we have to be the fastest or the strongest but you don't have to be anything but out there moving, at your pace. You don't need to be good at exercise – you just need to use it to make yourself feel good!21. Nobody likes to run, but nobody regrets itA good one for when you inevitably lack the motivation to get out of bed.22. Stretching is investing in your bodyAt some point you even come to enjoy the release of it!23. Getting older is a privilege, not something to be embarrassed aboutI have two darling friends who died at the age of 40, and they are the reason I will never, ever whinge about my crow's feet.24. Shame dies when exposed to the lightI learnt this in rehab, when I thought I was the worst person in the world for being an alcoholic mother.Listening to other people's stories, and sharing my own, I realised I was just another person who had a choice: to either let shame keep me sick, or to put it all out there and move on from it.Thank God I chose the latter, because my 11-year-old daughter has no memory of ever seeing me drink.25. Sometimes you have to lose something to make space for something even betterNEW PODCAST Ever feel like life is a bit¿too much? Listen to the brand new podcast series from bestselling author and journalist Bryony Gordon 26. If you have to diet, don't focus on it to the detriment of your mental healthWe can become obsessed with what food we put in our bodies, without once stopping to question what we are allowing our eyes to see.Take regular breaks from your screens and social media, from concrete and high rise buildings. Get out in nature. Look up and out instead of down and in.All of these things will do wonders for your mental health.27. Detoxify your mobile phoneIf locking your mobile phone in a drawer isn't realistic, then at least clean it up.I removed all social media apps from my home screen, so I have to search for them (it makes it that little bit harder, which stops you from using them as much).The only notifications I receive are from a very woo woo app that sends me affirmations such as 'I deserve good things' ten times a day. It really does make me feel better!28. Books I turn to when the going gets tough:Handbook for Hard Times by Gelong ThubtenSteering by Starlight by Martha BeckBraving the Wilderness by Brene Brown.29. The answers to every hard life question can be found in the first ten series of Grey's Anatomy30. Be sure to orgasm once a week, even if delivering it yourself31. Have a diary date to look forward toIt could be a holiday, or catching up with a friend for coffee, or being in the garden. (Or giving yourself an orgasm, of course!)32. Do the thing you think you can'tBecause it will always make you feel like the legendary person that you are. Ever feel like life is a bit…too much? Bestselling author and journalist Bryony Gordon is here to ditch the shame and dive headfirst into life's messier bits. Search for The Life of Bryony wherever you get your podcasts from 16 September. New episodes released every Monday and Friday.
